My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
