I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
