you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
