just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize