if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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