DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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