you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will pee on everything he values.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
