I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
