Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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