I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
