My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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