i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
