Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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