i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
