its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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