just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
