when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
