Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
