I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
