she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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