OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
