You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
