mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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