4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
