I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize