I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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