I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it penis luge time yet?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
