I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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