i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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