Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
