cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
