Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
