every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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