Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
