Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
