I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
