just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
