She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize