No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
