she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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