Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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