Are we in a gay sports bar?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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