Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
