I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
