are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
