you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
