I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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