so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
