wakey wakey hands off snakey
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
