Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
