dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
