I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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