Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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