I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
