i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
