The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
