I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
