Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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