Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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