i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
