just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize