This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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