where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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