Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
