Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am available for nakedness
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
