She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
