Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
