I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
