wat bout pragnant strippers??
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
