So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
