A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
